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Want to look trendy and gain confidence
Sanya asks,
First of all I must congratulate you for the confidence you have. I really really like you. How do you maintain yourself? I'm a bit heavy and I find my friend is not interested in me because I don't look trendy. Can you suggest how to look trendy, get slim and gain self confidence to deal with guys?
Dear Sanya,
First of all, if your friend is not interested in you because you're heavy, then I suggest you not be interested in your friend's interestedness!! Who wants conditional love?!! At least we should try for unconditional love! But if you need to change your weight / height / beliefs / income or anything for anyone, then you are building your relationship on a very shaky foundation. It's wonderful to constantly strive to be a better person (to improve your relationships and thus your environment), but to pin your self-confidence on someone else's approval is personal suicide.
The only way to gain confidence when dealing with guys is to honestly, truly not want or need guy-attention. I went through this grueling process 16 years ago. I was a miserable teenager, unable to impress a single guy. Then, I decided that I don't want or need anyone's attention to make myself happy. I will befriend myself... buy myself roses and chocolates and perfumes, and rock and roll with me, me, me.
Within months, guys were noticing me! But it was too late. My "Mein cheez badi hoon mast mast " attitude was giving me more happiness than all of them put together could have! The truth is, what attention and affection we are looking for from the opposite sex is best sought with true friends (male or female). The peace, honest acceptance and true love that friends give satisfy the soul and increase our inner confidence.
On the other hand, whatever little pleasure illusory maya - attention can give you will ultimately leave you empty... exhausting you of whatever little supply of self-confidence that you did have. Search deeper. Only what is real will work. Loving and accepting others for what they are - as people with human strengths and weaknesses - and expecting to be treated in the same way is a much saner way to go. That's where true confidence lies.
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Ruby K Bhatia
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