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Theatre, A Man And A Woman
Vikram Kapadia muses on his loves- theatre and his wife
Arundhathi speaks:
My soulmate:
"Quite honestly, I can't think of living with a stockbroker or an insurance agent or even a computer engineer. I know that sounds snobbish, I'm sure there's a great deal of creativity involved in the stock market and the computer hardware business, that I am not aware of! But, blame that on my ignorance! Personally, I'd rather live with someone involved in the arts than with anyone else. And probably that's because it's a field that I'm familiar with.
But on reflection, its not just creativity that I value... it's the liberal, exploratory mindset that usually accompanies the creative sensibility. Vikram is a liberal and one of the most genuinely progressive persons that I've met (not just one of those who just make the right noises but are actually full of double standards).
Ego hassles:
In my mind, egos are inevitable, when any two people are involved and I don't subscribe to the belief that artists are the only ones endowed with monstrous egos. I've met enough of the great Indian middle-class mindsets to know that when rigidity and orthodoxy meet with the male ego, the result is lethal! I'd stay far away from such a combination! When the ego meets with a more flexible, progressive, self-reflexive mind, it's always much easier to negotiate. I actually believe two creative people are more likely to respect each other's need for space.
Two to tango:
I don't think there are any foolproof strategies or secrets for marital bliss that I am aware of. It takes two persons to make any relationship work and has to do with being interested in the other person's life and making sure that you take time out to listen to your better half. That's crucial, as I don't think I can live in a relationship where I felt unheard. Above all, I think one needs to try to move towards a relationship of choice rather than compulsion. To me, that remains the ultimate goal and challenge of the most intimate relationships of our lives -- how to express want rather than need with the people we love. So much intimacy is based on fear and anxiety, rather than freedom and joy.
The idea of marriage for the next generation:
I certainly don't think marriage is a formula that works for every relationship. I believe relationships can express themselves in a variety of ways, and I hope the future celebrates that rich diversity, instead of seeking to straitjacket human relations in ways that are ultimately oppressive. And yet, if one frees the notion of marriage from its regressive sexist overtones and institutional constraints (and I do think that's possible) -- I think it can be great fun. It's lunacy, of course, for two people to try and live together against the odds. But lunacy is what makes life interesting and challenging!"
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Rohini Bhatia-Singh
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