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Jeena isika naam hai
Shaheen & Roshan Abbas share their love mantras
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Shaheenspeak
"He is very different from me. The way he was brought up, his value system and attitude towards life is very different from mine. When we met he was 27-28 but his attitude was like a 40-yr old. Now he is like a 60 yr old! (laughs) I was a mad 22-yr old then with a live- for- the- moment
attitude. He is very planned, practical and grounded. That's what drew me to him for the first place. I was the happy butterfly flying from here to there in my own world then, totally cracked. He is like my anchor. He gave me the stability. Though it may sound very filmy I have to say that he is actually the ground I walk on," says Shaheen.
Issues on which you fight?
"We had a lot of clashes and used to fight on the silliest of things like, 'You throw wet towels on the bed!' which he still does and which he will never change," says Shaheen indulgently.
"Most of the troubles stem from getting up early in the morning. I am a bit conventional and have this habit of getting up early while she likes to sleep till late which I don't like. Another thing that draws troubles is appreciating her clothes. Most of the times when I'm tired I don't take much interest in what she is wearing and that puts her off. Sometimes I wish I could control her temper!" adds Roshan.
How do you sort out your differences?
"Keeping a marriage alive is a tough job today. You have to work on it constantly. Because of the fast pace of life and independent careers there are 100 steps in which you could go wrong! I believe when ego comes in between two people, communication stops and problems start. We fight like cats and dogs but we respect each other and acknowledge our own mistakes or faults. I think this is very important and helps us to bind after a fight," says Roshan.
"It's very scary in today's world where you have so much exposure, so many options and so much independence. Hence the tolerance level is going down and so many divorces are happening now. I think what keeps our marriage ticking is that we don't let our ego come in our way. In the worst of fights it's never been that we do not talk for days together. It lasts for maximum 6-9 hrs. After that one of us will find an excuse and break the ice. Sometimes I give in, sometimes he does. Poor guy, to be fair to him, most of the time he gives in! He is so sweet and adjusting...he is much more mature than I am. Most of the times he treats me as a child and I still love it. I believe however bad the problem you should talk it out, fight, abuse, break things but you should get it out of your system," explains Shaheen.
Are you involved in each other's work?
"Nowadays I don't get much time but when I was not working I used to travel with him to his shoots. But now due to my son and my own career I don't get time to go with him. But he takes deep interest in my work. It was he who took all the initiative. He understood my passion and helped me establish my own forte. He has brought focus to my work and helped me to grow. He is so happy with what I'm doing and this lifts my spirits!"says Shaheen.
"Before I met Shaheen I used to be a badly dressed person. Today, thanks to her, my dress sense has changed completely. She made me conscious of how I would look more presentable and the kind of clothes I should choose. I, who used to own only 2 pairs of shoes before, now own 20 branded pairs!" gushes Roshan.
What do you like most in each other?
Shaheen: "He is very nice and easy person to have around you. He will remember the smallest of things that I want and then one fine day will surprise me with it! This is something I can't do and it is very touching."
Roshan: "She is very real and honest. This is something which is becoming rare in today's world."
How do you keep the romance alive?
Shaheen says, "We both love watching movies. Nearly every night we 'have to watch' a movie together. Also we both love to eat and cook together. Previously I hated cooking but slowly I started cooking and learning new dishes for him. We also have friends coming over and chill out with them."
"We steal little moments and go out for a vacation very often. Sometimes when I am travelling and she is at home we call up regularly and I think this distance helps us in appreciating each other's space and keeps the romance in our relationship alive," adds in Roshan.
Who is a better parent?
"Arsalaan is my first priority in life any day," says Shaheen. "However I think Roshan is a better parent. Though he travels so much, he takes out time to sit with him and help with his homework. Sometimes Arsalaan asks such funny and weird questions that I am caught off guard! At such times he explains things to him. He has much more patience than I do. He takes him out for games and movies or eating sushi which all three of us love," she says.
However, Roshan admits that sometimes he tends to spoil the kid by giving in to all his demands and buying him loads of toys. "At such times Shaheen holds me back and tells me I should not indulge so much or else he will be spoilt when he grows up," says Roshan.
Who calls the shots at home?
"Of course me!" tells Shaheen. "I'm content letting her take a call and happily do so," gives in Roshan.
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Amrita Biswas
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