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The day I want to have children, I will get married,
says Manoj Bajpai
Be is a mass appraisal for Satya or a national award for Pinjar, Manoj Bajpai has achieved it all. But there are yet a few things that remain to be achieved. Marriage, for one. Married once in 1992, Manoj's matrimonial life was cut short when the couple decided to part for personal reasons. Today it is almost seven years since Manoj fell in love with actress Neha and they have been happy with each other ever since.
In a candid conversation with ShaadiTimes, Manoj Bajpai spells out what marriage and relationships means to him.
What is the latest news on your career front?
This year started on a very good note, I got a national award (Pinjar). I am through with Bewafa, Hanan, Inteqaam, and a guest appearance in Veer Zaara(because I didn't want to miss this opportunity of working with Mr Yash Chopra). Now I am doing Deepak Tijori's Fareb, a thriller.
Your films are often offbeat. On what basis do you select films?
You can say that I am a bit kinky while selecting films. There has to be something to wake me up. It is very difficult for me to do the clichéd hero or clichéd grey character. After Satya and Aks, I can see that many roles are written along the same lines. But we have to keep on reinventing ourselves. When I do a film, money definitely follows... that is not the criteria... I need something to challenge the actor in me everyday. Otherwise it is difficult and very boring to get up early and go to the sets.
Why haven't we seen you in the romantic genre?
Well, you can say that about comedy as well. Romance or comedy for namesake is not what I want to do. I am looking for something that is substantial. I don't mind if the film doesn't run but I want to be a part of a good and memorable film. If a romantic role comes that is a part of a good script, I would love to do it but the same kind of role that has been performed again and again does not interest me.
And how romantic are you in real life?
Ask my friends... they think I am nuts. It is so sad that in this industry if we take our job seriously we are labelled as serious actors. I take my job seriously with a lot of thought, energy and sincerity but that doesn't mean that I am a dry or a serious person.
What does marriage mean to you?
Marriage to me means a social sanction. The day I want to have children, I will get married. I think relationship is very important... pre marriage also and post marriage also. I believe that we must work on a relationship more than marriage.
You mean marriage is not more than a mere social sanction?
It has always been a social sanction. If anyone thinks that marriage has to do anything with a relationship or beyond that, I don't agree. It was meant for procreation and hence some kind of social sanction was required. What is important is that we have to learn to emphasise more on relationships. After marriage, people start taking each other for granted. The most important part is to treat each other as individuals but most of us tend to lose that identity post marriage. All the talks about understanding goes out of the window once the couple is married. You feel tied down, you feel bored, take each other for granted and that is when a marriage fails.
Is that why marriages are so fragile in filmdom?
 Celebrities are always in the news and that is why their private lives become public. If one break up happens here, it makes news but it doesn't mean that relationships and marriages are fragile here. They are as strong and as fragile as they are in any other industry. It is not because of pressure or temptations that marriages break here... every break up has its own individual reason. And the reason has to do with individuals and not the industry. All the talks about proximity between actors and intimacy are blown out of proportion. If we are hugging anyone on screen or any romantic scenes are performed, it is all very mechanical. The girl I was married to earlier was not from this industry, and the girl I am in relationship with right now is an actress but I haven't worked with her. There you go... every case has to be treated individually, we can't generalise it.
Has the broken marriage taught you some do's and don'ts of a relationship?
Believe me, when I got married I had this notion that marriage happens only once. But the break up had put me on real ground.
I have to be much more giving, much more forgiving, correct my own tantrums and weaknesses and limitations. If I am in a marriage or relationship and if I want a home I have to do it. If I don't want a home then I can go ahead and do anything and face the consequences. I will take all the blame for my lost marriage. There were many reasons not just one thing.
What are your dreams in life?
I wanted to earn my bread and butter as an actor and I have achieved it. But now as an actor I am never satisfied. No awards satisfy me... I have to satisfy the actor in me... very greedy. I want all the best roles in the industry to come to me.
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Anshul Vijayvargiya
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