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"I am not ashamed of the fact that I got my first break because of my girlfriend, says Aashish Chowdhry
 The rising new star of Bollywood has come a long way since his Sydenham days to owning his own advertising agency and event management enterprise. Having acted in television serials he was nominated in the Best Actor category for the serial 'Hum Pardesi Ho Gaye '. A lead role in the film Chalo America followed and Aashish now makes his debut in Qayamat . Pitted against Ajay Devgan, Raveena Tandon and Suniel Shetty, he will have to walk that extra mile to prove his mettle.
On the eve of the release of Qayamat , he spoke to ShaadiTimes on love, relationships and the woman behind his success.
What are the ingredients of a healthy relationship?
The core of every relationship is friendship. When two people are friends the level of understanding is greater than in a relationship where there is only love. Friends understand each other and thus the trust factor is higher.
What do you look for in a relationship?
Trust and space are the most important factors. Trust grows when there is mutual understanding between the two and you tend to respect each other's privacy. It's only when you respect each other as individuals, respect the fact that each one has his right of choice and opinion that love grows.
What is your take on the age-old question of love Vs arranged marriage?
You have to marry someone you know inside out, and who better than someone you trust as a friend. Friendship should always grow into love and then into marriage because you know the person as he is, there are no pretenses. But in arranged marriages you meet your partner with the sole intention of marriage, so there is a need to impress, to pretend which doesn't happen in love marriages.
If given an option between marriage and a live-in relationship, which one would you choose and why?
I am orthodox where marriage is concerned. Marriage is a commitment of a lifetime. I am totally against live- in's because in live- in relations there is no sense of responsibility, no commitments. It's more of giving company and satisfying physical needs, so splitting becomes easy. You just move out and move on. But in a marriage you realise that someone else's life is connected with yours, you learn to share, adjust and compromise. It's emotional bonding.
Tell us about Samita your girl friend. Is she from the same profession?
Samita and I were very good friends. We cherished eight years of our friendship and it was much later that I realised how much I love her. Now it's five years since we share a lovely relationship. When I broke up with my girl friend she comforted me. She's been my pillar of strength. I definitely want to spend my entire life with her. She' s a model and has even acted in a film called 'Yeh kya ho raha hai ', but she is not comfortable with the Bollywood style of work. She likes partying and travelling. Basically she loves to enjoy life.
Can love change one's perspective in life?
Definitely. I have become more focused in life. Initially, it was just partying, late night drives and getting up late. In this process I was not able to concentrate on work. But after I fell in love, I started looking at life from another perspective. It was not just me but her. Doing things for her, making her happy. I realised that my success would make her happy and hence today I am doing things, which make her happy.
 What do you feel about extra marital affairs?
Do you identify with the character you played in your serial 'Hum Pardesi Ho Gaye '? I am totally different to Rahul, the character I played in my serial. Having an extra marital affair would mean betrayal, to someone you love. And betrayal is the most erratic behaviour. It's not just betrayal to your partner but also to your self.
In today's world where women are both nurturers and providers does that bother your male ego?
Women have this amazing capacity to balance things out, which men have to learn. They are strong enough to support themselves emotionally and financially. As a man I am definitely proud that today's women are truly feminist. But the hard reality also lies in the fact that this awareness is seen only in urban areas. Even in this century women of rural India are illiterate about their rights and this is a sorry state of affairs.
If your partner was more successful than you, would that imbalance your relationship?
I am not ashamed of the fact that I got my first break because of my girlfriend. She was the first one to step into Bollywood and it was in a party that I accompanied her that I was noticed and offered a role. But our relationship never got affected even when she was in the limelight and I was a struggler. Hence I don't see any reason why it should create a rift between us now. I guess it's more of an ego that ruins a relationship than anything else.
How would you react if you found out that your partner was cheating on you?
It would definitely break me. But I guess you have to carry on with life, you can't be sulking about it. It would hurt me, but I would take it positively and continue to be friends. For instance, when I was with my previous girl friend and when we broke up, I was devastated. Subsequently Samita came into my life and it's now that I realise what happened, happened for good.
Do you feel that marriage, as an institution is an outdated concept?
Definitely not. Marriage is most sacred for me. It is a life long commitment, a promise that you will always bring happiness to your partner's life. Though times have changed and divorces are on a rise, marriages will always be the most sacred and trusted relationship a man and woman can ever share.
Matrimonial sites are becoming very popular. Are they the right option while choosing a life partner?
They are a better option than arranged marriages because you seek someone of your choice; whereas in arranged marriages it's third person that looks for a match.
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Natasha Havewala
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